Self-Awareness

Self-Awareness, Self-Discovery, Self-Esteem; call it by whatever name you prefer, it's a sure knowledge of who you are. And it is important. Because if you have no idea of who you are, bottom line, then what gift is your friendship given? And what is your stability within the relationships of your life? And what is the anchor that holds you true through the storms of this life?

I was asked this question, "If it was your eulogy, what would you want people to say about you?" Good question.

I've committed more than my fair share of life-mistakes, to the disadvantage of those relationships that stand firm for me. One thing for sure, in the answering of The Question, I wouldn't want all my mistakes trotted out at my death. Yet that seemed, in my mind, to be about all there was to say about me, "She really made a lot of mistakes and hurt a lot of people in the making of them!"

I dug deeper. I was asked, "If you could do anything you wanted to do, or have anything you wanted to have in this life...if there were no barriers, what would you do and what would you have?" The answers pleased me not at all. I have no desire for a million bucks, a mansion, a fancy car or fame. The life-price is way too high, and the life expectancy of each is way too short!

I once worked for a health facility that cared for the elderly. One of my patients was a gentleman who had some fascinating safari pictures on his walls. Men in the prime and strength of their lives with their big-game kills posed under their feet, guns in hand, smiles of satisfied victory on their faces. I wondered about those pictures.

Then, one day, the man's daughter came to visit while I was tidying up his room, and we struck up a conversation about the pictures. That strong, virile man seen in the pictures, that smiling man in his prime was the shrunken, shriveled man that lay helplessly in the bed before me. The daughter told me that he had gone on many safaries, and had many big-game kills to his name. He had a wide circle of friends back then, men of influence and power. As far as I'm aware, only his daughter knew of his existence when I cared for him. Where were his hunting buddies? Where were their families? Where were the friends of power and influence? They never came to visit. The man lay there through one long, lonely day after another surrounded by pictures of his kills and his glory days. Only his daughter came once a week to visit. Only his daughter knew the stories of his long-ago valor. And I wondered about his eulogy...what would be said about him at his death? And what would his life stand for?

And then I thought about another elderly lady that I did not have the privilege to meet, and would have been speechless if I had met her...Mother Teresa. Her eulogy is a matter of public record. Her death was felt around the world! She didn't need a daughter to be there telling of her accomplishments, because we already knew. The world had become her family! And we were all there at her death bed!

So I come back to the question, "What do I want people to say about me after I can no longer say it about myself?"

If they say that I loved to cook. Well...yes...but that's not who I am, that's what I do.
If they say I was a good friend. That would be a huge compliment, and I would love it if someone in my life did stand up to say such a thing about me...but, again, that's not the whole story.
I love to garden, I love to sew, I love to make something wonderful out of something of absolutely no value, I love to take wonderful photographs, I knit, tat, embroider, crochet, raise children, run a contracting business, go to church, care for my mother, do laundry, and a hundred other things. And most of them I do well. But if you count those as my virtues, you've missed who I truly am.

Who am I? Well, I also like to walk through graveyards and read what people put on their loved-ones headstones. "Friend and Mother" "Beloved Husband and Father" Sometimes they add pictures that give you a small snap-shot of how they lived their lives, such as a logging truck, or a rose, a man fishing at a lake. The one I like the very best is found in a small cemetery on the northern flank of the Chehalem Pass in Oregon; "If it wasn't done for God, it doesn't count." Yeah! Like a good board game; this life has rules, and that is the trump rule. If you did it for any other reason than to glorify God, you forfeit your point! You miss your turn!

So who am I? What defines me? What holds me true in the storms of life? I am a child of the Most High God! I will walk the streets of glory with my beloved Savior...for time without end!

Now the whole picture can be seen. I am a child of God who just so happens to also cook, sew, crochet, take hikes, take pictures, garden and all the other hundred things I do. Please don't talk about the things I do without also adding in the very essence of who I am. Those things define me only to the extent that God is in them. God alone defines me!

How about you?

Matthew 6:33.

Next time, I think I'll share with you my very healthy, light and fluffy and delicious pancake recipe. I've been told by one of my most critical audience, "These pancakes are quite possibly the best I've ever eaten." Thank you.