"A candle in the darkness." There is much to that phrase. We are called, as children of The Most High God, to be a light in the darkness. This can only be accomplished when we share the Love that He gives to us (and that's a whole other writing!)
I don't do love well. I think about Jesus. How He was often surrounded by crowds. Crowds of people around me tend to bring out the uptight in me. I can't stand the noise. Jesus doesn't seem to have that problem. In the middle of a crowd, He told the children to come to him. In the middle of a dense crowd that was already pushing in from every side, He felt the touch of a desperate woman, and welcomed her. In a crowded house, He was all about welcoming more people, even if they tore the roof off to get to Him!
I would have freaked out in far less pressing circumstances. Hearing the commotion on the roof, I know I would have come unglued! "What do you think you are doing up there?! Here, stop that! Now look at what you've gone and done; made a huge hole in the roof and what are we supposed to do about that? And now I have dirt down my collar and junk in my cup of tea!" As much as I think I'm learning to love, when the dirt starts falling, it's really all about me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I don't do love as well as I should, especially as an ambassador of Jesus. And I've been talking to Him about that. About being a better lover of people.
He's been opening my eyes and mind to a few things. One thing was found in a rather interesting book written by Donald Miller called Blue Like Jazz which I recommend, if you like free-style writing that leads to ripping the pretty lid off of our shallow lives to expose some strong truths. I liked the book.
Anyway, there's a chapter toward the end of this book where Don explores how humans perceive love. We tend to describe a friend as "being an asset" and we look at love given as "an investment of ourselves." We use financial terms to define love. How crazy is that? That reduces such a sacred opportunity down to bartering chips; I give love to you, what are you going to give me back?
I realize that a person can go across the sick line to lay themselves down to be tread upon and taken advantage of by self-focused people, and we certainly shouldn't go there, but unconditional love shouldn't be described with financial terms.
OK. I got that, but I still have trouble with needy people coming to me in need. I still have a long way to go, so I continued to talk to God about this.
Then, the other day, I was on my bike with my dog jogging at my side. Suddenly, the leash jerks out of my hand! I brake to see what's gotten into her. I look back to see my version of Man's Best Friend, all squatted down taking the world's most king-sized dog dump...right in the middle of the street! In embarrassment, I look around, hoping that no neighbors are seeing this spectacle (she's still dumping! It's taking her forever! The pile is growing fascinatingly large.) My hopes for anonymity are in vain. There's a neighbor in the house above me, watching out the patio door.
The door slides open, a beer bottle emerges on the end of an arm, and a beer-sloshed voice bellows out across the neighborhood, "WELL, ARE YA GONNA PICK THE CRAP UP, OR RIDE OFF AND LEAVE IT?!" My dog is still hunkered down, straining hard...the pile is humongous and ... I have not brought a bag for it! And the neighbor has opened another window to heckle me some more. I have to ride home for a bag, then come back....
Needless to say, I was not feeling the love! The neighbor could have gotten a lightning bolt from heaven and I would have cheered and done some jeering of my own! My dog was not feeling the love as I lectured her on the ride back to the house.
I decided to pray. And His answer came quickly, "Be a light in the darkness."
"Ooops...I think I forgot about that part in the embarrassment of the moment. Well, yes Lord, I should be a light in the darkness. I guess I should be that light even when my dog takes a crap in the middle of the street in front of the drunks house."
I love it when God gets the last word, and this day was no exception as He gave a final word to me, "Be a light in the darkness especially when your dog takes a crap in the middle of the street in front of your drunk neighbors house!"
So here's where I am:
I'm being taught a deeper love than where I'm at.
But I still don't like it when my dog dumps in the middle of the street...
in front of the drunk neighbors house...
who opens the door to blot out the sunshine with his sloshing bellow...
and I don't have a bag so I have to ride away...
and now my reputation is trashed even further, if that's possible...
and I'm worrying about having to come back and endure more drunken heckling.
I sure don't like those crappy times that life sometimes hands me.
But, I'm learning to love right there.
And that's good.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Self-Awareness
Self-Awareness, Self-Discovery, Self-Esteem; call it by whatever name you prefer, it's a sure knowledge of who you are. And it is important. Because if you have no idea of who you are, bottom line, then what gift is your friendship given? And what is your stability within the relationships of your life? And what is the anchor that holds you true through the storms of this life?
I was asked this question, "If it was your eulogy, what would you want people to say about you?" Good question.
I've committed more than my fair share of life-mistakes, to the disadvantage of those relationships that stand firm for me. One thing for sure, in the answering of The Question, I wouldn't want all my mistakes trotted out at my death. Yet that seemed, in my mind, to be about all there was to say about me, "She really made a lot of mistakes and hurt a lot of people in the making of them!"
I dug deeper. I was asked, "If you could do anything you wanted to do, or have anything you wanted to have in this life...if there were no barriers, what would you do and what would you have?" The answers pleased me not at all. I have no desire for a million bucks, a mansion, a fancy car or fame. The life-price is way too high, and the life expectancy of each is way too short!
I once worked for a health facility that cared for the elderly. One of my patients was a gentleman who had some fascinating safari pictures on his walls. Men in the prime and strength of their lives with their big-game kills posed under their feet, guns in hand, smiles of satisfied victory on their faces. I wondered about those pictures.
Then, one day, the man's daughter came to visit while I was tidying up his room, and we struck up a conversation about the pictures. That strong, virile man seen in the pictures, that smiling man in his prime was the shrunken, shriveled man that lay helplessly in the bed before me. The daughter told me that he had gone on many safaries, and had many big-game kills to his name. He had a wide circle of friends back then, men of influence and power. As far as I'm aware, only his daughter knew of his existence when I cared for him. Where were his hunting buddies? Where were their families? Where were the friends of power and influence? They never came to visit. The man lay there through one long, lonely day after another surrounded by pictures of his kills and his glory days. Only his daughter came once a week to visit. Only his daughter knew the stories of his long-ago valor. And I wondered about his eulogy...what would be said about him at his death? And what would his life stand for?
And then I thought about another elderly lady that I did not have the privilege to meet, and would have been speechless if I had met her...Mother Teresa. Her eulogy is a matter of public record. Her death was felt around the world! She didn't need a daughter to be there telling of her accomplishments, because we already knew. The world had become her family! And we were all there at her death bed!
So I come back to the question, "What do I want people to say about me after I can no longer say it about myself?"
If they say that I loved to cook. Well...yes...but that's not who I am, that's what I do.
If they say I was a good friend. That would be a huge compliment, and I would love it if someone in my life did stand up to say such a thing about me...but, again, that's not the whole story.
I love to garden, I love to sew, I love to make something wonderful out of something of absolutely no value, I love to take wonderful photographs, I knit, tat, embroider, crochet, raise children, run a contracting business, go to church, care for my mother, do laundry, and a hundred other things. And most of them I do well. But if you count those as my virtues, you've missed who I truly am.
Who am I? Well, I also like to walk through graveyards and read what people put on their loved-ones headstones. "Friend and Mother" "Beloved Husband and Father" Sometimes they add pictures that give you a small snap-shot of how they lived their lives, such as a logging truck, or a rose, a man fishing at a lake. The one I like the very best is found in a small cemetery on the northern flank of the Chehalem Pass in Oregon; "If it wasn't done for God, it doesn't count." Yeah! Like a good board game; this life has rules, and that is the trump rule. If you did it for any other reason than to glorify God, you forfeit your point! You miss your turn!
So who am I? What defines me? What holds me true in the storms of life? I am a child of the Most High God! I will walk the streets of glory with my beloved Savior...for time without end!
Now the whole picture can be seen. I am a child of God who just so happens to also cook, sew, crochet, take hikes, take pictures, garden and all the other hundred things I do. Please don't talk about the things I do without also adding in the very essence of who I am. Those things define me only to the extent that God is in them. God alone defines me!
How about you?
Matthew 6:33.
Next time, I think I'll share with you my very healthy, light and fluffy and delicious pancake recipe. I've been told by one of my most critical audience, "These pancakes are quite possibly the best I've ever eaten." Thank you.
I was asked this question, "If it was your eulogy, what would you want people to say about you?" Good question.
I've committed more than my fair share of life-mistakes, to the disadvantage of those relationships that stand firm for me. One thing for sure, in the answering of The Question, I wouldn't want all my mistakes trotted out at my death. Yet that seemed, in my mind, to be about all there was to say about me, "She really made a lot of mistakes and hurt a lot of people in the making of them!"
I dug deeper. I was asked, "If you could do anything you wanted to do, or have anything you wanted to have in this life...if there were no barriers, what would you do and what would you have?" The answers pleased me not at all. I have no desire for a million bucks, a mansion, a fancy car or fame. The life-price is way too high, and the life expectancy of each is way too short!
I once worked for a health facility that cared for the elderly. One of my patients was a gentleman who had some fascinating safari pictures on his walls. Men in the prime and strength of their lives with their big-game kills posed under their feet, guns in hand, smiles of satisfied victory on their faces. I wondered about those pictures.
Then, one day, the man's daughter came to visit while I was tidying up his room, and we struck up a conversation about the pictures. That strong, virile man seen in the pictures, that smiling man in his prime was the shrunken, shriveled man that lay helplessly in the bed before me. The daughter told me that he had gone on many safaries, and had many big-game kills to his name. He had a wide circle of friends back then, men of influence and power. As far as I'm aware, only his daughter knew of his existence when I cared for him. Where were his hunting buddies? Where were their families? Where were the friends of power and influence? They never came to visit. The man lay there through one long, lonely day after another surrounded by pictures of his kills and his glory days. Only his daughter came once a week to visit. Only his daughter knew the stories of his long-ago valor. And I wondered about his eulogy...what would be said about him at his death? And what would his life stand for?
And then I thought about another elderly lady that I did not have the privilege to meet, and would have been speechless if I had met her...Mother Teresa. Her eulogy is a matter of public record. Her death was felt around the world! She didn't need a daughter to be there telling of her accomplishments, because we already knew. The world had become her family! And we were all there at her death bed!
So I come back to the question, "What do I want people to say about me after I can no longer say it about myself?"
If they say that I loved to cook. Well...yes...but that's not who I am, that's what I do.
If they say I was a good friend. That would be a huge compliment, and I would love it if someone in my life did stand up to say such a thing about me...but, again, that's not the whole story.
I love to garden, I love to sew, I love to make something wonderful out of something of absolutely no value, I love to take wonderful photographs, I knit, tat, embroider, crochet, raise children, run a contracting business, go to church, care for my mother, do laundry, and a hundred other things. And most of them I do well. But if you count those as my virtues, you've missed who I truly am.
Who am I? Well, I also like to walk through graveyards and read what people put on their loved-ones headstones. "Friend and Mother" "Beloved Husband and Father" Sometimes they add pictures that give you a small snap-shot of how they lived their lives, such as a logging truck, or a rose, a man fishing at a lake. The one I like the very best is found in a small cemetery on the northern flank of the Chehalem Pass in Oregon; "If it wasn't done for God, it doesn't count." Yeah! Like a good board game; this life has rules, and that is the trump rule. If you did it for any other reason than to glorify God, you forfeit your point! You miss your turn!
So who am I? What defines me? What holds me true in the storms of life? I am a child of the Most High God! I will walk the streets of glory with my beloved Savior...for time without end!
Now the whole picture can be seen. I am a child of God who just so happens to also cook, sew, crochet, take hikes, take pictures, garden and all the other hundred things I do. Please don't talk about the things I do without also adding in the very essence of who I am. Those things define me only to the extent that God is in them. God alone defines me!
How about you?
Matthew 6:33.
Next time, I think I'll share with you my very healthy, light and fluffy and delicious pancake recipe. I've been told by one of my most critical audience, "These pancakes are quite possibly the best I've ever eaten." Thank you.
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